c4himanshu's roll-o-thoughts

It's been a while since I posted something. It's been a tough month with a lot of work and commitments. I am in a car right now, coming back from my hometown, Lucknow.

Right now, I am doing what could be quite possibly one of the hardest things to do. Come back from Home. I do not have much to say or any wise cracks to share. Instead, I want an outlet for that feeling of leaving home behind. Those who live at home and have never experienced living away, you haven't yet known the worth. Imagine yourself being left alone but more importantly, imagine your parents left alone, to fend for themselves.

I wonder whether this is what life is for!
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Do you remember how excited you were when you saw your first 'Ravan' burning to the grounds? That joyful cheer you let out when the 'mirchi bum' was not a 'phussy'? That revengeful smile you gave to the kid next door when you were hit by the 'gubbaara', while furiously pumping air in  your own 'tanki'? Or that bike road trip you planned with your friends while having the once-a-year and oh-so-delicious 'kheer'? Or maybe the sheer cluelessness of your actions when you were at the church pews celebrating Christmas?

Ow! Those joyful memories to stuff that we don't want to do now! Sometimes I wonder what went wrong? Why my relationship with all festivals went sour? Why can't I be excited about atleast the A-list festivals like Divali and Holi?

Digressing a bit, I find the festivals of India to be overly classified and organised. There the A-list festivals which have their own national holidays! These include Divali, Rakhi (the festival, not Sawant! On the other hand, that would be night of festivities too for some), Holi, Christmas, Eid etc. These are the occasions when you just have to be home! You would be committing the Indian version of the Original Sin if you are not at home on these festivals. Moreover, we spend thousands just preparing for these. Eid, for example, results in a sudden spike in the likeness of 'kheer', which we avoid generally and choose Casatta instead.

Then there are the B grade festivals like Dusshehra, Easter, Navratre which are for followers only. These generally end up on the third page of the newspaper with a small heading. Only people with deep religious sentiments towards the side plot of the main story actually celebrate these. I, for example, was stumped when my girlfriend asked me, "what do you and your family do on Dusshehra?"

What do you do on Dusshehra? I only know that Ram killed Ravan that day and that you can finally eat chicken after Navratre and Shraad. Other than that, how do you celebrate the festival? Who knows! We don't create a miniature Ravana at home, we watch the life size version at the Ramlila Maidan! And how come every city in India has a Ramlila maidan, why can't we name it after Laxman or Bharat for that matter! After all, the guy was praying to flip-flops for 14 long years!

So, coming back to Dusshehra. We were always taught to forgive and forget. Even Hindu literature says so, but somehow, we cannot seem to forget what Ravana did and forgive, oh am sorry, we are going to burn you to hell till 20 milleniums or so! And we will pollute our own waters in the process!
Why do we still do that? A friend pointed that out to me and I have to say, this was an itching spot on the back for me too.

Oh we have digressed a lot from the issue at hand. I will not go into the pain felt by the gods in honour of which our C grade festivals like Teej etc. are celebrated!

Tell me if I am wrong, but I feel we go through a W shaped cosine curve if excitement for festivals was plotted against time.

As a kid, the excitement is the highest but starts to drop when you reach high-school and adolsence and you question the whole point of the exercise.

As a college kid, there is still some excitement left coz you have newer people to share the festivals with, but as morals go for a toss, you begin to do taboo stuff like non veg on Tuesdays and daru in Navratre and don't even blink an eyelid!

At the start of your career, you have no freaking time to even remember what date it is, leave alone celebrating. But you still make it Home for some of the A listers, but hardly do anything else other can gorge on food!

There is a sudden spike in the excitement of festivals when you find that special someone. For those who keep finding special people, there are a lot of spikes and rather low savings.

There is again a lull after the excitement of celebrations with your wife have drowned, just like the excitements of sex, but still there is some spark left.

The real low comes when you have kids. Their excitement towards these festivals is anti-infectous. You just spend money so they will shut up! (I've seen my father do it)

But then again, after 6 to 10 years, the whole exercise becomes exciting again because your kids are happy to be with you on that one day!

Then they grow up and their own cosine curve begins and you both find a lull in the excitement levels for festivals.

And then you are old and find joy again in festivals with your grandchildren and the story goes on.. Till you die! Or if you are 'ba' , you will face this forever!

Cheers and happy divali, eid, belated dusshehra :)

South India films have always been a fascination for me. Somehow, all of those ultra hyper realistic action scenes connect!

While the rest of the country has came out of the Sunny Deol era after the torturous events of Arjun Pandit, Zor and Ziddi, South India still seems to be engulfed by high flying action and total awesomeness of overweight heroes.

Until very recently, I did not have a lot of exposure to these films because of the obvious language barrier, but thank god UTV came to our rescue. Now we have UTV Action and UTV Movies broadcasting Tamil, Malyali and other films in Hindi.

I believe they started doing this because after the hyper-success of the super aresholery being passed on by Salman Khan in the name of Wanted became so famous here in the North that everyone reminisced the Deol era.

Suddenly, everyone just wanted to see bad people flying with one punch and ground shaking by our hero walking. Maybe this hit the right chord with us people because, we are so freaking frustrated with the situation of the country that we wanted to escape the reality. 

The current batch of heroes in Bollywood, frankly, they do not possess the attitude to pull off something as grand and as attrocious like that! Come on, they too are thinking people. Do you think that the likes of Ranvir Kapoor and Imran Khan can beat 25 of the most deadly looking people alive? And not just beat, beat them to a pulp of orange juice!

Aamir, yes nice try in Ghajini. For as much as I like Aamir Khan, I have to say, something was out of place. It just didn't feel right!

Shahrukh, well, for as much as I dislike the guy, I have to say, your nose looks awkward man! Get a plastic surgery

 or something. Well, he is better off doing the one-legged-backward-drops to charm the girls. Remember Don, the new one. Nothing smooth about it.

There was a certain charm in Sunny Deol's 'dhai kilo ka haath' and 'taarikh pe taarikh' that these people cannot ever achieve. The Telly people wanted new material. The Deol pictures had been rerun too many times and had become well, stale.

  

So, it's been four years I have been living in delhi. There are things I'd like to point out that make Delhi and the other metro cities a completely different world than that of the rest of India.

1. The Fashion
Maybe its just me but I still see girls wearing bell bottoms in Lucknow. Not just bellbots, the worst kind you are likely to find. And they flaunt it like they bought it right off Bipasha Basu!  Somehow, they are still able to find them selling in the markets. The guys well, I remember one dude flaunting a Dhoom embroidered pair of denims last year!
I rest my case.

The girls in Delhi, seem more in tune with the fashion world. Although I do see a faux pas every now and then, still there is a higher level of fashion consciousness. I believe this is because of the high population of small eyed people coming from high altitude areas of India. Where do they get their fashion sense from!
But in this race to be hep, Delhities somehow forgot the symbol of grace of Indian women, the Chunni.

I remember when I first came here, I wanted to reprimand the girls who came in to college flaunting their ethnic suits from Bombay Collection sans the element that keeps the outfit together. You might not find highend evening gowns in Lucknow but at least the integrity of the Indian suit is still intact. I believe I say so because of my conservative upbringing but I still wanted to slap 'em biznatches!

2. The Age
It seems all the youth from Lucknow has fled. Everyone there seems grown ups. Some of my friends who are still there have been married (true!) and/ or have facial features of a 30 year old Faridabad uncle!

The girls on the other hand never seem to grow up! Even at 25, they still look like a victim of malnutrition and some look like they should have stopped eating a long while ago.

Delhi comes across as a very youthful city but one that might just be losing it without proper guidance. Am referring to Delhi being the worst of all cities in terms of safety for women. I mean you charm everyone in here and then let the leeches of society loose!

3. The Height
Everything is high in Delhi. The buildings, the bridges, the house facades. In lucknow, a Five storeyed building is considered a Modern Marvel!

Maybe its because we still have land. People in Lucknow still have land they own and deal in. Delhites, well you just buy 4 concrete slabs hanging in the air. But you have to go higher and higher. Maybe that's why people in Lucknow are generally grounded and have aims to raise a family and live happily whereas those who wish to fight for a bigger pie of the 'ek number' money rush towards promising (only) Delhi

On second thought, the people in Delhi are generally taller. Maybe due to the 'Jatt Inside' revolution, the average height of Delhi people is atleast 2-3 inches more than the rest of the country.

4. The Schools
We still have Rs. 500 per month school churning out the toppers of X and XII boards, in Lucknow that is.

Schools in Delhi require you to deposit amounts as admission fees with which you could buy a whole race of small Kenyans!

Lucknow students have bicycles to go to school too and have wooden benches to sit on (making them hard assed!)

Delhi schools have full AC buses with a security level that Armenian president is jealous of. They sit on lounges and armchairs while the once-in-two week assembly is going on. Thus making them... Eh.. Snobs! No, I tell a lie, some of them are not. Everyone calls them, outcasts.

Oh I can go on and on on this! Let me not, that might just be my next post, the Student of a Posh Delhi School!

5. The Automobiles
Mercedes, Audi, BMW are the norm here. Any car older than 10 years is banned in Delhi. I remember once I was at a red light, there was a Porsche Ceyenne in front of me, a BMW 5 series on my left and a Mercedes S class on my right and when the light went green, I manouvered my bike in front of all three and quietly showed them the finger.

In Lucknow, if you buy a Mercedes, its gonna be a part of your extended family for atleast the next 3 generations and yes, your children are going to score because of the Merc.

You don't even need  an SLK. Just get one from China. Yes the duplicate Mercedes from China and be assured no one will ever find out, until your aunt from Delhi happens to visit and she has the real benz.

6. The Time
In Delhi, you never have time. Its not just the fast paced life of Delhi, it seems like there is no 10 to 1130 time and the 7 to 9 time here. One never notices it! Although the time from 1130 to lunch is unbearably long, and most of the 'watch' watching happens at this time, its the same everywhere in the world.

In Lucknow, you are up by 6 because the maid of the house (yes they can actually afford one) switches off the AC and the fan because jhadu lagana hai, without any consent from you! You get up and finish all your work by 9 and you still have time!

More on this in my next post

Cheers :)

Apparently, Rs.32 is all you need daily to live in India. The ministers think that this is what the just above poverty line people should earn to have a good life. Rs.32 equals Rs.960 monthly and Rs.11,250 yearly. This comes from the wife of a person who had $1.5 BILLION in his account in 1991.

$1.5 BILLION = Rs. 675,000,000,000 (and that is not considering any inflation)

Seriously! That's how intelligent our government servants are. And here I thought that UPSC was the toughest exam in the world. Apparently!

In other news, the secret for the 1991 Indian Economic Meltdown was discovered recently. A chap writing blogs in the middle of the night was able to figure out with (un)common sense what might have happened. And what might be going on!

US gives another ULTIMATUM to Pakistan to stop harboring terror groups within its land. 

In other news, the Oxford Dictionary has finally changed the meaning of the word "Ultimatum" to "a friendly gesture, usually accompanied by a financial reward".

Suicide will not be Crime in India from now. The ministry fast tracked this law in order to curb the sudden spike in the number of cases being registered in police stations after the announcements of the new Poverty Line in India. 

Advani hints he is out of the PM race. That's a boring piece of news just thrown at us! Advani cannot speak now let alone racing for anything. He took off for a rath yatra around India just to hint that he is out of the race! We all knew Mr. Advani that you will always be the Sindhi who just never made it! You are the anti-climax scene of a Ladder's match in WWE and the hero of this movie is Mr. Nitin Gadhkari.

In other news, Nitin Gadhkari went in for a bariatric weight reduction surgery right after Advani hinted he is out of the race. Sources say that Gadhkari actually thought this time, we will have a race to determine the PM.

Girls face bias in heart surgery. Researcher's claim reaching the heart is becoming increasingly difficult due to the boob implants blocking their way. 

Bhatta-Persaul case hearing deffered. Victims claim governmet is trying to protect the accused. Lakhimpur rape case hearing cancelled due to absence of the accused even after repeated summons. 

In other news, Delhi police is now going to appoint traffic personnel at Bus stops to ensure women's safety.

Delegation to India from Pakistan wants Anna Hazare to lead their own anti corruption movement. Apparently, not one clean person was found after repeated attempts and finally, Anna Hazare has accepted to a supporting role in this category.

In sports news, some form of cricket going on, for detailed news, please google the terms, #cricket #overkill

On a lighter note, only the text in bold is true :P

Complete work of fiction. Please verify the information before making any claims.

 

 

Glee (verb) : jubilant joy
Glee (noun) : a male part-song
Glee (tv show) : fucked up part song part soap sitcom full of jubilant bull shittery

As you might have already guessed from the title, I, a typical indo-chauvinistic male, have a stable girly girlfriend and that this blog post will be about how Glee has ruined at least a part of my life.

For those who do not know what Glee is I would be bringing to the table a very one sided view. One that will be supported and hailed as The Truth by your male friends in sworn secrecy and one that will be rubbished by your female friends vehemently.

Glee is a TV show that takes off from High School Musical legacy but without the beauty. It is a musical sitcom, where completely random events in life will require a certain group of people to sing and dance in communion (yes, just like bollywood!) And not just sing and dance, sing and dance in the most autotuned voices ever since the Cher debacle.

It is based in some random ass American high school, where everyone is supposedly a girl, a gay, or a 'straight' guy who hasn't yet realised that he's gay. Anything else, is just edited from the show.

Complete with the most bizarre topics that can be taken up in a high school, the show bores a normal guy to death and back in just one hour. Everything in the show is about being happy and singing to make yourself happy when you are sad. It's about 'hope' and how it can drastically change your life. Now, I must say there is nothing wrong with that just that the whole show makes me want to puke. It is hard to digest so much happiness in one sitting! Guys can't take it. Moreover, all the supposedly 'straight' guys on the show sing and dance and Show Their Emotions publicly like no real man would ever do. And they score (yes, that's The Score you are thinking about)

Why did they name the show Glee, they should have named it after it's very colorful and queer synonym of being glee which the whole show is!

GAY!! There, I've said it! Happy?!

3 Books and 2 movies of Twilight and now this!! What the f is happening!!

Girls, you might say that your man does not think that way and that he likes it, he even watches it with you every time! That man is a liar and a con, and you should start considering your options lady!

Guys, you might say that you like Glee. If you do, please comment below and let me  the world know your names.

Why do you watch it then, you might ask, I don't, she makes me. Period

A word of advice for those very few lucky guys out there whose girlfriends do not know about or watch Glee, never ever let her watch two episodes. It airs on Saturday nights at 11PM on Star World. Beware of this time. Take her out for late night movies and expensive dinners, spend time with her, do the 'talking' she always complains about, make love,  just do anything you can to stop her from watching Glee.

What would happen otherwise you ask!? Here is personal experience. Read again, it airs on Saturday nights at 11 PM . For an hour. Saturday nights will never be the same. You won't get those expansive meals, or the late night drive aways or those fun late night movies. That romantic evening you 'carefully' and spontaneously (admit it!) planned out, will have to be wrapped up by 11 coz its Glee time. I've had a friend tell me that sex had to be stopped because Glee began. Yes, it gets that bad.

And once she is hooked, you can't get away. You are stuck. You can wiggle to try and get out, but you can't.

Guys, here I present to you a 10 things you can do while she is watching Glee. These 'things' are carefully thought of to irritate her in a very subtle manner yet keeping you amused and out of harms way.

Number 10: Be the Learner
Without actually going deep into this shit, you can pick up certain cues from the show and constantly keep asking her questions. Who is the Lesbian? What's Fundue for 2? What's a fundue anyway? Is that big guy gay? Why is he picking on the gay dude? what song are they singing? (This one is the best, mostly girls do not know the names of those obscure songs and will immediately want to google it)

Couple this with sarcasm and you have a personally fulfilling hour.

This 'thing' takes the focus off of the current plot for a while and she will get irritated. Be assured she won't say a word to you coz you are just 'oh so innocently' trying to grasp the show.

Do not indulge in this act too often though, you might have to enter your name in the comments below if you over do it.

Her irritation level : 3 / 10
Your amusement level : 5 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 5 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 2 / 10

 

Number 9 : Call Thy Mother
Suddenly remember that you haven't talked to your mum in three days and immediately proceed to call her at this odd time. Ask your girlfriend to lower the volume (better, mute it yourself) and talk to your mum for 10-15 minutes. This works best if you can time it with a song.

She will frown and curse. But won't say a word coz she has the missing plot to catch upto. Genius! This is a high risk maneuver though. If you take too long on the phone, she might just move closer to the TV. Or you might have to face consequences of your actions after the show. You will have to use your kick-ass charm-ery to get out of harms' way.

Her irritation level : 6 / 10
Your amusement level : 5-10 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 1 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 5-10 / 10

 

Number 8 : The Downloader
Generally girls tend to make a note of the songs they liked on Glee and then google them later. Download the songs she liked instantly and play them. Make that really 'that's-thoughtful-of-me... Ain't-it?' face and see her getting irritated by the song she liked and the plot that she doesn't understand now.

Keep your control and avoid listening to those songs again and again as you might get hooked.

Her irritation level : 5 / 10
Your amusement level : 3 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 5 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 2 / 10

 

Number 7 : Make the switch
Change channels as soon as the advertisements air. Search for these shows and set them on switch, the Simpsons, Family Guy, Khichdi, Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai, Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chashma and shows of the same genre. Experimentally, I have come to the conclusion that these shows activate a different area in the female brain than done by Glee.

This irritates them and puts them off the Glee mood.  They can't complain coz you too are watching Glew just for them.. Aww

Her irritation level : 4 / 10
Your amusement level : 5 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 2 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 2 / 10

 

Number 6 : Tit for that
Guys at Star World have a good sense of humor. Right after Glee ends at 12, Family guy begins with two episodes back to back. And boy, do girls hate Family Guy especially after an estrogen dose of Glee. Insist on her watching it with you coz you watched Glee.

Caution: This might backfire. She might fall asleep and you might miss out on the honkey ponkey. Do not, I repeat, do not let that happen. You will never be able to use this trick ever again. If you see her falling asleep, make the sacrifice, switch off the TV and try again next time.

Her irritation level : 1-10 / 10
Your amusement level : 8 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 1 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 1 / 10

 

Number 5 : The Pee-r
If your washroom flush is really loud and interferes with the ambient shit music of Glee, make use of it. Drink too much water and use the loo every 5 minutes or so, making loud noises everytime. To make it seem real, start doing this an hour before the show. Works perfect when timed with the songs.

It comes with a health hazard of over hydration, dehydration, exhaustion, penile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

Her irritation level : 6 / 10
Your amusement level : 3 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 1 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 4 / 10

 

Number 4 : The Nagging Nanny
This one requires a certain amount of care to pull of. Gently remind her of how tired she is after working through the week. Do this while you pretend to be tired yourself and are half asleep.

She won't give Glee up. With huge pomp and show,n give up your 'sleep'. Make her feel that you did not sleep because of her. She won't take the guilt either and would try and make up to you during the breaks. You should not give in! Hold the fort.

Remember: do not fall asleep while pretending. You might have face grave consequences.

Every girlfriend will have a different reaction to the pomp and show. Try and increase the show with a curve and gauge her reaction the first time you are doing it.

If done correctly though, you could blame you lowly performance in the bed on Glee.

Her irritation level : depends
Your amusement level : depends on above
Risk of getting hooked : 2 / 10
Risk of getting punched : depends

Number 3 : Snuggle Ad Snuggle Ad
Snuggle up behind her during the romantic songs of the show and do whatever you do to you know what.

She will get a bit distracted. Make sure she does not miss a second of the show coz if she does, you might have to snuggle the blanket for the night.

Keep snuggling till you feel an Ad break coming. Break away from her 2 minutes from the break and do not, somehow, let her come near you during the break.

Preferably, do the Nagging Nanny during the break.

This will keep her hanging in an ocean of her own estrogens. First you made her feel good when she was the weakest then when she can actually have time, you are not interested. Repeated attempts will just plain right infuriate her on Glee.

Caution, girls are good at recognising patterns. Vary the time lapses to confuse her.

Her irritation level : 6 / 10
Your amusement level : 5 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 2 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 3 / 10

Number 2 : Create Suspense
Switch on the TV at 10 and turn to C.I.D tv a.k.a. Sony and insist on you watching the whole show with her. This will bore her to her limits and kill her mood for Glee. Irritation!

Be aware that CID tv might bore you to death. A lot of practice and truckloads of patience goes into watching one full complete hour. Make her watch. Do not let her sleep in the pretense of resting eyes.

This might backfire sometimes where CID tv will actually bore you both so much that you enjoy Glee! Practice will make you perfect.

Her irritation level : 6 / 10
Your amusement level : 7 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 4 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 6 / 10

And

The

Number 1 : Mr. Know It All
Glee and various other such shows are aired late in India. Generally, a year late. Guys, I can already see the smirk curling up!

Descriptions of each episode are available online in great detail. Read through them thoroughly and prepare yourself.

During the show, make wild 'guesses' about what's going to happen next. Let a few pass by undetecten make some up but always, always predict the climax (in a subtle way, you do not want to give it away)

Now pretend how the show is a bore and highly predictable. She will not be able to enjoy the climax or the build up to it. She will also be irritated by the fact that you understand the show better than her. You will have fun looking at her face!

Do not over do it. Do not get everything in the show right. Do not irritate her beyond her limits of loving you. Whatever you do, however you do it, if your girlfriend watches Glee, do this at least once. Please.

Her irritation level : 9 / 10
Your amusement level : 9 / 10
Risk of getting hooked : 7 / 10
Risk of getting punched : 7 / 10

Bonus 'thing' for reading so much : Mr. Know It All KARAOKE
This one has never been tested and results are based on human logic. Songs sung in Glee shows yet to be aired in India are available online. Search and learn the lyrics. Then, Sing when the song comes during the show.

A complete killjoy for the girl. She hasn't heard of the song and you are singing it!
Face to be captured I believe.

Do not do it everytime, you might just get hooked. Once in two months is satisfaction enough for the torture we call Glee.

That wraps this up!

Come to think of it, these tricks can be used for various other reasons other than Glee. Please do let me know in the comments section if you use these, make changes, iterations, updations, evaluations, anything. If you do anything with these let me know.

Please remember: This information is released under the BroCode license and any modifications and their consequences are to be notified immediately to the author in writing and every other member in any way you can.

Cheers :)

If you haven't already, please read the first post here

 

The “in the face” choice was Android. Yes, the dream operating system for geeks like me. But my Nokia 5530 had left a lasting scar in me somewhere. Although it was fun to be with, I admit, I had to make compromises; ones which I particularly did not appreciate.   I am biker by heart. It really bugged me that I could not play with my phone when I was driving. It was in my pocket and I did not comprehend what it was thinking when it played 'queen of my heart' right after 'St. Anger'. I could do nothing. Just had to bear with whatever it had in its heart to tell me.

With the touchscreen, I felt like a slave. I had to fondle it in places I had not done before to any other phone. There were so many places from which it could get turned on  and react and a unique one every time too. 

I needed to be in control, I needed to feel like I owned the phone and not the other way around.

I needed Buttons.

I talked to a few friends who had Android. I must say, it was like the most one sided conversation ever! Everyone of them wanted me to buy one. It was like a secret cult and you couldn't get out, so you forced your friends in.

I was sucked in. I looked at all Android phones available. Let me tell you, all the companies, Samsung, HTC, have whored out to google. They have sold their soul to help Google make all the money!

There is no medium range android phone available. There are either <10k phones or >20k phones. Whatever happened in between? The ones that are available, are on Bada (whatever the f* that is!). That's why they have whored out. I remember the days when a 5k phone was the standard and 15K Nokia n73 was like O.O .

Oh this is gonna be long Next up, Nokia. In India it used to be like the 'Hamara Bajaj' brand. Mobile phone meant Nokia. But sadly, unlike Bajaj, Nokia grew old very quickly.

Although Nokia did bring out the E6, which had me drooling for about 10 seconds, but the thought of Symbian made me pukish!

Okay so, after a lot of communal harmony by my friends and brothers alike, which finally crept up my nose, I turned my sight to the seemingly only option left: Blackberry. I must tell you, I was an ardent hater of blackberrys because of their arrogance. How dare they provide a text messaging service for 400 bucks a month! Google, yahoo, skype have been doing it free for years!

The curve comes to you like a faithful Indian wife. Not the modern, self sufficient Indian wife, but rather a traditional one. And one that you can proudly show off!

I agree it takes a long time to turn on, but once it does, it can go on for a long time. You do not need a daily dose of charger action, once in two days is good enough. It does not complain when you come home after a long day. It does not want you to spend time with it, gifting it applications or fondling with its buttons. It is satisfied with what its got.

I can now change songs on my bike. There are dedicated keys for that! How thoughtful! I can speak my mind, open my heart with it because it is so easy to type…oooh finally all those buttons!!! :P

 

So, the other day my trusty Nokia 5530 broke down. Given the conditions that the phone died, I am seriously considering it committed suicide out of frustration because I was constantly searching for its replacement on flipkart. Once, I did a search on my phone for another phone. I believe that was where my phone drew the line.

The next day, it stopped taking my bul$hit. I 'to fir bhi' had done it wrong, it stopped taking its daily dose of a$$ action from the charger!

I admit that my charger was not entirely 'faithful' but then it was the only 'patli pin' charger on the floor.  It did get a lot of attention just like Justin Beiber for the 'patli pin'! Still, that's no reason why my phone should stop responding to all its moves! I remember looking at both of them on bed and tried to do all of the senseless thing men do to with things they do not understand. Alas! Nothing worked.

That's not where my phone dies.

It is like the hero of 80s Indian movie who gets shot in the first scene and dies all through the 4 hour movie (Russell Peters fans, please do not growl).

So I thought my phone needed some zing, some charm, some Magic in its life. Introducing, Magic charger.

For those who have not used a magic charger, it is one of the most ridiculously useful things. It can please any type of battery and promises the phone an 'out of body' experience.

I don't know about the phone, I had a dreadful time using it. To recharge the phone, I had to manually take the battery 'out of the body' of the phone! So much for the experience. That's not the worst part! I don't know what Tantric tricks the  charger played with just the battery, every time I turned on my phone, it had a hangover and had forgotten the date and time! I had to call someone to ask what the date was! (Yes, I do not have a calendar/ clock in the room and no, I did not turn on my laptop, coz am just that lazy)

In about a week's time, the phone had had enough of this experience and succumbed to the pressures of such a fast paced life and daily drug abuse.

R.I.P. Nokia 5530 Xpressmusic full touch phone.

So, what phone do you buy now! Hidden from everyone's view, I had been saving money to afford a new mate for myself. But, I had not expected the premature eja..death of my old phone and was left in a muddle.

15000 bucks was all I had for a phone.

Read Why I finally bought a Blackberry and you should too .. here

Sent from BlackBerry® on Airtel

Dhriti Bhattacharya :- super impressive.....all of us long for a life of that kind, few actually get a chance to live it....:)

So, my last post got a few responses like this one from Dhriti. Yes, all of us dream of a life like the one I am living (hell even I dreamt of it till some time ago). I use a hackneyed phrase "Grass is always greener on the other side my friend"

Hell, when I chose to live like I live now, I could not see the grass on this side. I just took a leap of faith. I went with what my (rather rotund) gut told me!

For those who do not know what I do, I am an independent web designer working from New Delhi. I was an engineering aspirant, joined NIFT (the best Design school in India) to do a (rather sh**y) technology course (irony) and now I am a web designer (This is what the career counsellors call the Rape-of-a-career situation)

Here, I would like to point out some differences between how aspirants think life will be if you chose to be an entrepreneur so early in life and how they actually are.

1. You have no Boss

If I work for myself, I will have no boss over me and I control what and how I will do MY work.

Truth:

Yes, there seems to be no "boss" per say rather, you have multiple Bosses after your life every second of your life. Each client owns your A$$ after giving you an advance payment. 
Moreover, the feeling of "No Boss" has its own disadvantages. You need a very very high self-motivation, which brings me to the next issue.

2. I will work whenever I want, however I want

I will wake up at 11, start work at 2 and work till 3 in the night!

Truth:

You wake up at 9 when the client calls you about the progress. You are able to tell him sh** coz you are still hungover from 3AM last night NFS Shift games. You go back to sleep, wake up at 11-12 still hungover. You have milk-cornflakes for breakfast and start work. You promise yourself you will not visit FB for more than 10 minutes, but end up chatting till like 3. Now you are disgusted with yourself for not working and order lunch. You start work right after lunch and before bathing. You promise to start work after lunch and go for an hour long bath (why? coz you can). 

You finally start work at 6 and plan a goal for the day (which is about to end). Here is the plan: "I will work till 9, order dinner, eat dinner and work till 3" Then your girlfriend calls! You try and work while talking to her and while your mom's call is waiting. Now you talk to your mom. Then you eat dinner and go to bed at 12. Cause you are exhausted by doing spectacularly nothing through out the day.

This was how I started working and very quickly realised that it will not work. Now, I put in 60-70 hours a week just to make ends meet. Far more than you are required to do at an "office". 
Working for myself is the hardest thing I could have done. Yes, I get to sit on my comfy couch while working, but the pressure to deliver is no less.

3. Sitting on my comfy couch

I will work from my home and work from whereever I want to.

Truth:

For 10 days, sitting at your couch and working is so freaking cool. Then everything around you becomes related to work. I don't own a house here, I live in a rented room. I have just 10"x12" to work in. Which means, everything turns into work. Even your couch reminds you of your delivery date. You have no solace! No one to talk to!

4. I will have parties and friends over every freaking night!

My life will be an extended holiday and I'll have friends with me every evening after they come from office.

Truth:

Nope, your friends, now have friends at office. They have been in enough human company throughout the day and  want to left alone. You are just going to get miserable.

I would have been miserable if I had not found people working like me. You need to make an effort to meet such hard-to-find people. You have to do this with everything else.

5. I will be at my creative best left alone and working all day long

I will work my a$$ off to make sure that I become the best at what I do and have the biggest company ever/be the best there ever was.

Truth:

You realise very very quickly that it is just not work. You are the sales person, designer, programmer, marketeer, janitor, cook and what ever else you can think about! You don't work all day long! You slog through the days filled with meeting and hardly anything productive. Then at night, you rant about it on your blog!

If this does not discourage you from jumping into entrepreneurship, bravado!! You've got the balls!!

But wait, there's more!

For my next post, you will see a comparison of a Job v/s Self-employment. Till then I leave you with this prose from Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 

After all this, I love what I do, I realise everyday, how I can use myself better and make my life worth-while. 

 

 

He asked

"i would like to say you have been extra focused in criticizing Arundhati Roy that you missed some vital points about the lokpal… lets forget what she says… Do you really think accepting the janlokpal the way Anna proposed will mark an end to corruption in India… If you have read the draft of lokpal bill kept in parliament by the govt and the one proposed by ‘team Anna’; can you point out the “huge differences” between the two that can bring about such a drastic change in our society.. Both the bills are not flawless…We have lokayukta in different states … How effective is it in preventing corruption….If implemented both will work almost the same way but neither can bring an end to corruption.. Corruption starts in us Mr Clarity…We the the common man.. We refuse to pay our taxes, we pay bribes to get our work done faster, we elect MPs and MLAs who are known to b corrupt again and again and make them rule us and plunder our wealth… If you really need a change, it has to start from within and lokpal is not the answer…."

 

I answered

I would like to reply that for you..
“Marking the end of corruption in India” .. no.. it won’t, but you would get a forum where corruption IS a crime and not just a way of getting work done. Even after the Jan Lokpal is created, awareness will be the biggest problem. Just like the RTI, Jan lokpal will face difficulties but the society will evolve and our children will grow up in the right consciousness. Right now, their dads do it, so it is all freaking fine for them to do it too! A law will be able to accomplish that.

If you wish, I can elaborate in great detail about the “GAPING” (not just huge) differences between the two bills. Read them and be logical and you will know what is wrong and which one to support.

Yes we have lokayukta, but it is not independent! To initiate anti-corruption prosecutions, permission is sought from the same people. Justice Subhash Hegde had to write numerous reports on the illegal mining before the CM was brought down. He had to destabilise the state government through a no-confidence vote and then prosecute the CM ! That’s how you want EVERY case to be? Independence of the Lokpal is the primary requirement of the JanLokpal Bill

Just like Arundhati Roy, you hit point blank shot in the last line. Yes, corruption will not end by just one Law. But it will start. You know of an RTI Act, probably, u will never use it in your lifetime. Your kids will and they will have information that is important to them and the society.
Similarly, your kids will have the Jan Lokpal, maybe they will never go to it for redressal because corruption is in grained in them. But their kids will

Why do you think that major support Anna has is from the youth? Because we are tired of killing out own consciousness every time we give a bribe and want a change.

This movement is more than just Lokpal, Corruption, Graft. It is a symbol of the Indian Youth revolting against the traditions their father had been following. It is completely up to you to decide whether you are a part of our father’s legacy or we are a notion of change.

Cheers! (and i do need a beer now  )

 

Please comment and let's have a healthy discussion about this issue!